Missing Person

I don't know when it happened exactly, but at some point I made the decision to sacrifice who I am for who I thought "everyone" thought I should be. I didn't even really know the change was happening. In fact, it took me a long time to figure out that I had even done it. Now, there is so much fear around rediscovering and reverting back to the true me. Part of me is truly resisting the idea. Its funny though how life sends you little messages and signals... often from the most unexpected places. Over the past week I was binging the new season of Married at First Sight on Netflix. I love the train wreck that is this show. Anyways, this season there is 1 couple on the show, Bennett and Amelia, who are just totally and unapologetically out there. I mean, they are WAY out there. I was dumb founded as I watched them navigate making wedding preparations, meeting the other show participants and discovering each other. Not only did they never judge the other people, it also never occurred to them to think about what the others thought of them. To take it to another level, I watched the rest of the people on the show lean in, embrace and actually celebrate them which also speaks volumes to their character as well. I also have a new small tools mechanic who started a few weeks ago. He may be a 23 year old guy, but I swear it's like holding a mirror up to myself. I see so much of myself and my struggles in him. The situation challenges me to be better, if for no other reason than to model an approach different from his current mindset. As I think through all of this, I continuously have to pause and question how I let myself get here. I don't know what the journey back to my authenticity looks like, but I'm confident the journey will be challenging. This weekend I took one small step though. I put some purple back in my hair. I chose to ignore the confines of age or professional expectations. Instead of blending, I now stand out a little more. It is a small step, but one I am proudly celebrating today ❤️