Love has not been kind to me. My marriage is the source of a large portion of my trauma and many of the people who were supposed to have loved me are no longer in my life. Thanks to the help from the life coach I have been looking for all my life, I have learned so much about myself and am finally starting to heal. Tonight was a big step. In fact, I am actually writing to you from home because it took the better part of a bottle of red wine to find the courage. For a long time, I held onto someone just so that I could say that someone out in the world loved me. Once I began to heal myself, I could see that even their love was not the love that I deserved. I still held onto him because I needed someone out in the world to love me. Part of me wonders if maybe I believed that if one person loved me then maybe, just maybe, someone else would or could. Tonight though, I finally took my coach's advice and set him free. The letter is written and the envelope is addressed. (Yes Terri, you can cheer...lol) I feel vulnerable and exposed. And honestly, I'm a little scared too. I just keep trying to remind myself that what I "had" didn't feel good either. Here though is to moving on and searching for my best self and what I want. Thank you for going on this journey with me!
I thought a lot about the vibe that I wanted this blog to have with a concern that it wasn't upbeat enough or would have a negative tone. The truth is, life is not sunshine and rainbows, but I also believe it is up to us to find bright spots. I promise you vulnerability and authenticity. I also promise that continuing to read will not want to make you slit your wrists. I'm just unpacking some stuff in the pursuit of my dream. <3
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