This week I took some lumps that have left me licking my wounds. Lately I have been overly sensitive and honestly, insecure. The highs have been high and the lows have been really low. I know I have a tendency to put up walls, and I am very, very careful about who I let in. And the process of getting in? Heh... that takes a very long time. I have some that I trust blindly, and even though they like to playfully bullshit me sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have one situation from the week which I am still very much struggling. I was talking through a mutual problem with a foreman I think very highly of on Friday afternoon. I hit a road block with someone, and he volunteered to have a conversation with him. The problem employee is newer to the company, and I feel I struggle to gain traction with him because I am a girl who works in the office. As I was telling the foreman that in so many words, probably looking for validation, he instead confirmed that I do work in the office, and don't have the full field context... that I only know what I can come out to see. He wasn't trying to be hurtful, but instead was merely thinking out loud about the situation. I was devastated by what he said. Lately I have been so proud of the professional relationships that I have been building. I've always been aware that my skill set is different, but deep down I truly believed that I was finding my spot to contribute to the team. After what he said, I feel like I will always been an outsider and struggle for credibility. A day later, I know that I have taken what he said personally, and just because I didn't like what he said, it doesn't make his words any less true. If I hadn't chosen to let the walls down with him, we wouldn't have been having open and honest conversations. And honestly, maybe it was some context I needed. The truth still hurts, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
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